Day Thirteen

Today was a difficult day.

Rehearsal continued to be spectacular.  The actors are, as always, gamely tackling new staging while growing old scenes in leaps and bounds as we run the show.  I've gotten so accustomed to the joy of seeing the characters in new ways and getting re-acquainted with them out of my head - in effect becoming my own audience member.

Not to give anything away, but today we reached a scene where all of the joy the characters experience catches up with them in a very big way.  I sat there watching Joe stage it and felt such an overwhelming sadness for these characters.  I feel silly even letting myself think that - I mean, I am the one who invented these girls and their story and actively put them through the wringer (after all, I could have chosen for them to all just be easily happy in the end).  I've always thought that good writers love their characters enough to hurt them.  And I seem to have gone out of my way to do that here.  Because watching this scene, which is held together by some of Julia's most beautiful music that is so masterfully sung by Katrina, I had a visceral physical reaction.  My stomach was twisted in knots and I just wanted to jump up and say "Give me two days and I'll write a new script to make all the pain go away!"  It has been hard to come back from that feeling at the beginning of the day, and I have to say I don't think I've fully recovered.

So many things have surprised me about this process, but none more than this odd shifting in my role as writer.  I'm so grateful that we have such amazing people surrounding us who I trust so completely that I'm able to take a step back and really watch the show for the first time.  The rest of the show doesn't get any easier, so I think I'm in for a rough few days emotionally.  Maybe it's just masochistic, but at least I can take comfort knowing that I'm doing my job in moving at least this one audience member!